CC2 Fail 💔

Last month my DR upped my clomid to 100, the scan went great, good lining, two large follicles and we had the go ahead to try, try and more try! In other words as the Nurse put it: “just get it in there!”

And we did, and it was exhausting but fun! After the first time I hurt real bad, but I said we need to carry on, and I was in a lot of pain and L was like ‘I think we should stop’ but I wanted to make sure we had every chance.

After that I was in so much pain, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had really bad hot flushes, night sweats, lost my appetite and had nausea like my last cycle, but this time I had cramping, strong sharp stabbing pains in my ovaries and stomach all month! I couldn’t exercise so my HIIT sessions had to go on the back burner, I couldn’t even walk the dog and I really struggled at work but pressed on.

Looking back now yeah maybe I should have spoken to my DR but I didn’t want to hinder any treatment. Anyway because I didn’t feel myself at all, I put the pain down to possible PG symptoms. I try not to symptom spot, but you know how it is! And I had nausea, sore boobs, PMS etc.

So I waited until day 31 because I usually have a 30 day cycle, since going on metformin. And I took what I had been putting off all week, the dredded PG test. The TWW was hard I tried to keep myself busy as much as I could with the pain. And most women enjoy taking the PG tests…I think? But since our first year of trying I avoid them! Because my PCOS symptoms are similar to PG symptoms it was too much for me and I obviously never ovulated until I was diagnosed so I didn’t see the point.

So I take the test, it’s the clear blue one that tells you how many weeks. I had it lying around since last year (don’t worry it was still in date) I took it in the morning, day 31, one day late and it said ‘not pregnant’. And I just felt numb, I didn’t even cry. I told L that if it was negative I don’t know how I would react and prepared him for a full mental breakdown. But I was kinda like roll on AF! And in the back of my mind, I thought maybe I could still be, and I was going to buy the tests with the lines, and see if I got a faint line.

The next day, cycle day 32 bam! AF. The worst AF I have had since starting my metformin back in April! L was at work, so I text him and I think I ruined his big training day that he travelled three hours for. I don’t mean like ‘I’ ruined it but it, the cycle, the fail, the AF ruined it.

Luckily I had the day off yesterday after working the weekend on call, in a lot of pain might I add which is making me struggle to do my quite physical job. I had made plans to take my 15 year old niece out to lunch at Wagamama’s, so I couldn’t cancel on her because 1. She’s a teenager 2. She’s a nightmare to pin down and 3. She’s my baby niece and needed some auntie time.

Before I went out I thought I better phone my DR for more clomid, and as I usually start it cycle day 2, I needed it ASAP. She eventually phoned back at 10pm last night after I told her Secretary I had been unwell and in pain all month. I mean thats service right there, she’s at home and she phones me. She said she was worried about the pain and didn’t want me to start the next round until she scanned me. So I have been booked in for an emergency scan tomorrow morning.

L can’t get off work, but mumma bear is coming with me. I went to work today, I don’t know how I made it. This AF is really heavy, and TMI but clotty and black; and the cramps and pain is unbearable. The Secretary phoned me again today and asked if the pain is worse. By then I had to go sick, leave work and come home crawling into bed. Where I have been for the last three hours. I know i’m paying for ny DR but they have been so great.

I don’t know what to expect tomorrow, in a little scared but i’ve taken the day off so at least I can come home and crawl into bed. Wish me luck!


People I want to punch in the face.

Pregnant people. I’m sorry. It’s bad right, okay let’s not sterostype, not all PG people, just a few PG dick heads.

Yes your excited, yes you are heavily pregnant and yes it’s hot (heatwave in England this week) BUT STOP MOANING!!! I’m hot too. In fact i’m currently drugged up on lots of fertility drugs which give me night sweats and terrors, hot flushes every few minutes, a lot of fricking pain, bloated and make me bloody irritable.

We are all hot. So stop filling up my newsfeed with pictures of you and your bumps moaning about how hard life is, you really have no fucking idea.

Maybe I should put a pic of myself up with my fertility medication and my bloated belly #infertileclomidhotbitch #ifeelsorryforpgpeoplenot

Just a few of the status’ and pictures that have been uploaded in the last hour:

Heat + pregnancy #annoyed #itsakiller

So hot, hate been pregnant in the summer, poor me.

Pregnancy and heatwave, i might be on maternity leave and in the garden but I can’t deal with it

In the paddling pool in the garden, just a shame I have to get out for a pee every minute, ugh why am i pregnant in this heat?

Are you fucking kidding me?!!!

I am so tempted to type one that says: hot weather, not pregnant, fertility treatment, still working = very fucking grumpy #theinfertilelife